I've got a habit of debating with atheists once in a while in the comment sections of online news. I'm curious about what makes people tick, what their core thought processes are. My last exchange got to the core of someone's issue. He (or she) declared they had no choice in what they believed, they just believed it. The line of reasoning was "well I think Santa is cool but I can't just choose to believe in him. That doesn't make him real."
My first question was, well, if you think beliefs are something one just has (I guess something we are born with), then why waste all this time trying to convince me my belief in Jesus is wrong?
The main point is choice. Choice is the beginning of human consciousness. Adam and Eve had choice. That is what made them human. Our beliefs are an aspect of our core values. These shape our behavior and influence our thoughts. Everything we do or say, everything we choose (there's that word again) to pay attention to, has to do with our worldview, based on our core beliefs. We may feel like we were born with these beliefs because we obtained them from our families or our environments before we had much awareness of choice. Yet the choice was there. Every second involves a choice.
When I was a baby, and I got dropped, I made a choice to believe that the world was unsafe and I was unbalanced. That choice affected my behavior for years until I recognized it for what it was; a choice that could be changed. I changed my mind, and that took care of a whole host of fears I had dragged around. We do indeed have a choice about what we believe or do not believe, and this is a liberating thing!
Santa Claus is a nice idea I guess, but that person missed the point. This isn't about Santa. This is about examining the result of your core beliefs. Remember, your beliefs shape your behavior. Do you believe that you are alone? Unloved? The only one who "gets it" in a world full of idiots? Do you believe life is random? Meaningless? Okay. Let's follow those beliefs to their logical conclusion in your behavior then. Dr. Phil may say it best: "so, how's that working out for you?"
Perhaps the idea of being on this earth isn't who "wins" by being the most intellectual. Perhaps smarts have some other facets, like love, joy, peace, perseverance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. (That's not original by the way, that comes from Galatians 5:22-23). Perhaps intellectualism can be another word for pride, which also is a choice. Pride is incompatible with the fruits of the Spirit mentioned earlier. So perhaps, just for one day, try an experiment. Choose to believe something different. Just try it, just to see. Choose to believe we are not alone, that life is not meaningless or random, and that we aren't fatalistically tied into any one belief system. Choose to believe that every single person you meet is your brother and sister and there is something valuable and precious about them, even when they are mostly unloveable. Choose to believe that you are loved, you are loved unconditionally, eternally, and completely. How would that affect your behavior today?
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Monday, January 14, 2008
Huge Wild Eyes Cows Running Towards Me In The River Of $hit
While riding today, I was talking to Barb, one of our non pros, who was out for a lesson. She was talking about the, as she said, "irrational" fear she had of her horse, Maddy, and the buffalo. A few months back, we were at a practice in Merced, and Barb was trying to warm Maddy up on a cool, blustery night in the huge open MHA arena. Maddy bucked REALLY hard. I saw it and was astounded that Barb managed to stay aboard. She had bruises on the inside of her knees and lower thighs from hitting the swells and the horn. After that episode, she had been somewhat afraid of Maddy.
A few months later, she brought Maddy over for me to ride a few times; she hadn't been on her since the episode in Merced. I rode her with no real problems, three times, and then Barb brought her home. The next week she was back for a lesson on Maddy and it all should have been fine...except it wasn't. Barb couldn't get over the fear she had. It actually paralyzed her. When we brought the buffalo in the pen, she couldn't stand it any longer and got off Maddy and left the arena. I went over and got Maddy from her and got on Maddy and turned back for my trainer as he worked the buffalo on another horse. Maddy was a bit cowfresh but didn't offer to buck or do anything bad. After my trainer was done, I went and boxed a buffalo on the back fence, really driving Maddy up to it, getting right into it's face...again, no problems. My trainer then worked Maddy, and finally Barb got back on and worked Maddy herself.
Still, the fear remains. That was the topic of conversation. She couldnt' understand why the fear remained, why this irrational fear was not letting go. She is a brave person. She is one of the most determined people I know. She has ridden horses that were much more unpredictable than Maddy, with no problem.
I told her I, too, had had episodes like that. The problem with an "irrational" fear is that it doesn't matter how other people view it, or how many other people don't have a problem with what you are afraid of. Nothing you can say to yourself seems to help, because the fear pervades not only your thoughts, but your body as well. It gets into your cells and makes your body react in defensive ways that you can't "fix" by just trying to rationalize things in your mind. What's worse about it is the internal reprimands you give yourself for being afraid when you shouldn't be; the embarassment you feel for "failing" in certain situations where you feel you shouldn't fail.
She told me the problem was mostly with the buffalo. She thinks she can ride Maddy okay as long as things are kept slow-in her comfort zone. Buffalo, though, are out of the comfort zone. They are big and scary looking and she doesn't trust them. Just like the Holstein cows on her husband's big dairy. Just the other day he had her out helping him separate some cows in the alleyways. It was wet and the alleyways were slick with water and cow excrement, a veritable "river of $hit." Her husband ran a bunch of cows down the alley towards her, and told her to stand her ground, don't let them through! The alleyway actually had a downward slope and she was at the bottom of it. Here come these Holsteins, all wanting to be on the other side of her, all 5 feet 3 inches of her, serving as a tentative and very apprehensive blocker. She looked at their eyes rolling in their heads, wild and determined, running down the sloppy alleyway, and let out a little scream and leaped for the side fence of the alleyway, climbing to safety. Of course her husband was pissed and didn't understand what her problem was. They are gentle milk cows, nothing more!
As she related her story I realized that sometimes fear is a problem of perception. When Barb's husband looks at his Holsteins, he sees gentle milk cows who will stop if he stands in the middle of an alley and waves his arms. He sees animals which he can control by having a commanding presence. And it's true, the absence of fear, a self confident demeanor, works wonders for controlling livestock. When Barb looks at the Holsteins, she sees animals that weigh half a ton at least, and have their minds made up to go where they want to go. When she looks at the buffalo, she sees creatures who have wicked horns and big huge heads, who make snorting noises and have no problem crashing through a fence panel or two.
Now I know, because I am very familiar with the buffalo, that they are pretty predictable, and they really don't want to run into your horse. You can read where they are going to go by watching their eyes and ears, and individual buffalo have unique patterns of how they move; once you know the pattern, you know pretty much what that buffalo is going to do every time.
So to get over some fears, education and exposure can work wonders. The more Barb hangs around the dairy and watches the cows and how they react in certain situations, she would gain some confidence in working with them. Watching the buffalo, watching others work with them, etc, would probably help her get over her fear of the buffalo. The fear comes from unfamiliarity. Because she doesn't know how the buffs will react, it colors her perception of them.
Watching me and my trainer ride Maddy without having a problem helped convince her that Maddy was safe for her to get back on, even with the buffalo in the arena. Sometimes thats the best way to overcome a fear. Watch and learn. When you have some knowledge about how a situation will play out, you can then have confidence in your ability to handle it. Sometimes the key is just time and exposure.
For me, this is what worked when I had a problem with Pistol a few years back. Pistol was as her name implies. She was hot, goosey, broncy, silly, unpredictable, and so quick and athletic that all these traits were magnified. While a goosey horse really doesn't bother me, Pistol was above and beyond, because of her athletic ability. She would be gone out from underneath you before you could even blink. It's not like I can't sit a horse that jumps sideways suddenly...duh, I'm a cutter, that's what I do.
Well she got me one day; as I was getting on she shot forward and yanked the reins out of my hands. I was half on and half off and didn't quite feel comfortable stepping back down as we were now at a full run and the stirrups were oxbows. So I tried getting all the way on. I was already behind her motion and the effort was futile. I bounced off her hindquarters and got shot up and over the other side of her into the fence, hard enough to knock my glasses off and dot my vision with dancing multicolored stars. After that episode she was funny about mounting...for me, for my trainer, for my trainer's daughter. She would attempt to bolt every time someone would mount. Of course this just added to my apprehension about getting on her. Getting on is a vunerable position. Once I'm on a horse, secure in my seat, both feet in my stirrups, things are good. It is that half on, half off, one leg holding up my body the other swinging out behind me, perched and at the mercy of the horse...that's the scary part.
It got so I wouldn't even ride Pistol. I would make excuses. My trainer would have me get Pistol and I would; I would saddle her, walk her to the arena, and then tell him I had to go to the restroom could he please hold her...and then I would stay in the restroom for 15 minutes or so. Long enough for my trainer to get sick of waiting for me and get on Pistol himself. He didn't have the fear of her bolting. He is much more confident in his ability to cheek a horse around and get on one like her.
After many times watching him get on her and her not bolting on him, I started to feel better about getting back on her myeslf. Instead of perceiving her as a half tame, unpredictable horse, I started counting the times I saw her as a completely normal, if hot, under-control horse who stood still for mounting. My trainer also helped by holding Pistol for me as I got on, until I was confident again that I could mount her without assistance.
There were times, though, I attempted to get over this by myself. I would get her out, and lunge her until she was a bit tired, and then attempt to mount myself. My breath would start getting shallow and short, and I would start to sweat. My heart would start to pound and my legs and arms would go shaky. I absolutely couldn't control it; it just happened and I seemed powerless. The just do it mentality just wasn't happening in this situation. Trying to just push through the fear has worked for me in many scenarios, but not in this one. The fear had gotten into my body cells and was affecting my physiology despite my rational attempt to work through it. At those adrenaline filled moments, it didn't matter that I have a job as a colt starter, that I have successfully rode bulls, that I STARTED Pistol! Nothing mattered except that I couldn't make myself get on her.
In this situation, coming at it from another angle, actually changing my perception of Pistol, was what worked. I think this will also work for Barb. The more times she sees Maddy being good, being sane, under control and not wild, the better she will feel about riding her. The more she is around the buffalo, watching them and learning their reactions, the better she will feel about them.
Another thing that helps overcome fear is confidence in your own ability. My trainer was never scared of Pistol bolting as he mounted because he has complete confidence in his ability to handle a situation like that even if it comes up. In order to feel that way myself, I practiced mounting and dismounting properly and fluidly on a broke horse I was sure would stand still. Shadow was a saint, patiently standing for me as I would get on and off, on and off, on and off, from both sides. I got so I felt very comfortable cheeking a horse around and mounting quickly in one fluid, balanced and athletic motion. I practiced correct form until it came naturally and wasn't something I had to think too hard about.
These newly improved skills helped when I started riding Pistol again. I never had another problem like that with her, and gradually, the memory of my accidental dismount faded away, out of my mind, and out of my body reactions.
So what happens if you find yourself facing a bunch of wild eyed cows running towards you in a river of $hit? Well I guess that just depends on your perception of that situation and the confidence you feel in your own ability to handle it.
A few months later, she brought Maddy over for me to ride a few times; she hadn't been on her since the episode in Merced. I rode her with no real problems, three times, and then Barb brought her home. The next week she was back for a lesson on Maddy and it all should have been fine...except it wasn't. Barb couldn't get over the fear she had. It actually paralyzed her. When we brought the buffalo in the pen, she couldn't stand it any longer and got off Maddy and left the arena. I went over and got Maddy from her and got on Maddy and turned back for my trainer as he worked the buffalo on another horse. Maddy was a bit cowfresh but didn't offer to buck or do anything bad. After my trainer was done, I went and boxed a buffalo on the back fence, really driving Maddy up to it, getting right into it's face...again, no problems. My trainer then worked Maddy, and finally Barb got back on and worked Maddy herself.
Still, the fear remains. That was the topic of conversation. She couldnt' understand why the fear remained, why this irrational fear was not letting go. She is a brave person. She is one of the most determined people I know. She has ridden horses that were much more unpredictable than Maddy, with no problem.
I told her I, too, had had episodes like that. The problem with an "irrational" fear is that it doesn't matter how other people view it, or how many other people don't have a problem with what you are afraid of. Nothing you can say to yourself seems to help, because the fear pervades not only your thoughts, but your body as well. It gets into your cells and makes your body react in defensive ways that you can't "fix" by just trying to rationalize things in your mind. What's worse about it is the internal reprimands you give yourself for being afraid when you shouldn't be; the embarassment you feel for "failing" in certain situations where you feel you shouldn't fail.
She told me the problem was mostly with the buffalo. She thinks she can ride Maddy okay as long as things are kept slow-in her comfort zone. Buffalo, though, are out of the comfort zone. They are big and scary looking and she doesn't trust them. Just like the Holstein cows on her husband's big dairy. Just the other day he had her out helping him separate some cows in the alleyways. It was wet and the alleyways were slick with water and cow excrement, a veritable "river of $hit." Her husband ran a bunch of cows down the alley towards her, and told her to stand her ground, don't let them through! The alleyway actually had a downward slope and she was at the bottom of it. Here come these Holsteins, all wanting to be on the other side of her, all 5 feet 3 inches of her, serving as a tentative and very apprehensive blocker. She looked at their eyes rolling in their heads, wild and determined, running down the sloppy alleyway, and let out a little scream and leaped for the side fence of the alleyway, climbing to safety. Of course her husband was pissed and didn't understand what her problem was. They are gentle milk cows, nothing more!
As she related her story I realized that sometimes fear is a problem of perception. When Barb's husband looks at his Holsteins, he sees gentle milk cows who will stop if he stands in the middle of an alley and waves his arms. He sees animals which he can control by having a commanding presence. And it's true, the absence of fear, a self confident demeanor, works wonders for controlling livestock. When Barb looks at the Holsteins, she sees animals that weigh half a ton at least, and have their minds made up to go where they want to go. When she looks at the buffalo, she sees creatures who have wicked horns and big huge heads, who make snorting noises and have no problem crashing through a fence panel or two.
Now I know, because I am very familiar with the buffalo, that they are pretty predictable, and they really don't want to run into your horse. You can read where they are going to go by watching their eyes and ears, and individual buffalo have unique patterns of how they move; once you know the pattern, you know pretty much what that buffalo is going to do every time.
So to get over some fears, education and exposure can work wonders. The more Barb hangs around the dairy and watches the cows and how they react in certain situations, she would gain some confidence in working with them. Watching the buffalo, watching others work with them, etc, would probably help her get over her fear of the buffalo. The fear comes from unfamiliarity. Because she doesn't know how the buffs will react, it colors her perception of them.
Watching me and my trainer ride Maddy without having a problem helped convince her that Maddy was safe for her to get back on, even with the buffalo in the arena. Sometimes thats the best way to overcome a fear. Watch and learn. When you have some knowledge about how a situation will play out, you can then have confidence in your ability to handle it. Sometimes the key is just time and exposure.
For me, this is what worked when I had a problem with Pistol a few years back. Pistol was as her name implies. She was hot, goosey, broncy, silly, unpredictable, and so quick and athletic that all these traits were magnified. While a goosey horse really doesn't bother me, Pistol was above and beyond, because of her athletic ability. She would be gone out from underneath you before you could even blink. It's not like I can't sit a horse that jumps sideways suddenly...duh, I'm a cutter, that's what I do.
Well she got me one day; as I was getting on she shot forward and yanked the reins out of my hands. I was half on and half off and didn't quite feel comfortable stepping back down as we were now at a full run and the stirrups were oxbows. So I tried getting all the way on. I was already behind her motion and the effort was futile. I bounced off her hindquarters and got shot up and over the other side of her into the fence, hard enough to knock my glasses off and dot my vision with dancing multicolored stars. After that episode she was funny about mounting...for me, for my trainer, for my trainer's daughter. She would attempt to bolt every time someone would mount. Of course this just added to my apprehension about getting on her. Getting on is a vunerable position. Once I'm on a horse, secure in my seat, both feet in my stirrups, things are good. It is that half on, half off, one leg holding up my body the other swinging out behind me, perched and at the mercy of the horse...that's the scary part.
It got so I wouldn't even ride Pistol. I would make excuses. My trainer would have me get Pistol and I would; I would saddle her, walk her to the arena, and then tell him I had to go to the restroom could he please hold her...and then I would stay in the restroom for 15 minutes or so. Long enough for my trainer to get sick of waiting for me and get on Pistol himself. He didn't have the fear of her bolting. He is much more confident in his ability to cheek a horse around and get on one like her.
After many times watching him get on her and her not bolting on him, I started to feel better about getting back on her myeslf. Instead of perceiving her as a half tame, unpredictable horse, I started counting the times I saw her as a completely normal, if hot, under-control horse who stood still for mounting. My trainer also helped by holding Pistol for me as I got on, until I was confident again that I could mount her without assistance.
There were times, though, I attempted to get over this by myself. I would get her out, and lunge her until she was a bit tired, and then attempt to mount myself. My breath would start getting shallow and short, and I would start to sweat. My heart would start to pound and my legs and arms would go shaky. I absolutely couldn't control it; it just happened and I seemed powerless. The just do it mentality just wasn't happening in this situation. Trying to just push through the fear has worked for me in many scenarios, but not in this one. The fear had gotten into my body cells and was affecting my physiology despite my rational attempt to work through it. At those adrenaline filled moments, it didn't matter that I have a job as a colt starter, that I have successfully rode bulls, that I STARTED Pistol! Nothing mattered except that I couldn't make myself get on her.
In this situation, coming at it from another angle, actually changing my perception of Pistol, was what worked. I think this will also work for Barb. The more times she sees Maddy being good, being sane, under control and not wild, the better she will feel about riding her. The more she is around the buffalo, watching them and learning their reactions, the better she will feel about them.
Another thing that helps overcome fear is confidence in your own ability. My trainer was never scared of Pistol bolting as he mounted because he has complete confidence in his ability to handle a situation like that even if it comes up. In order to feel that way myself, I practiced mounting and dismounting properly and fluidly on a broke horse I was sure would stand still. Shadow was a saint, patiently standing for me as I would get on and off, on and off, on and off, from both sides. I got so I felt very comfortable cheeking a horse around and mounting quickly in one fluid, balanced and athletic motion. I practiced correct form until it came naturally and wasn't something I had to think too hard about.
These newly improved skills helped when I started riding Pistol again. I never had another problem like that with her, and gradually, the memory of my accidental dismount faded away, out of my mind, and out of my body reactions.
So what happens if you find yourself facing a bunch of wild eyed cows running towards you in a river of $hit? Well I guess that just depends on your perception of that situation and the confidence you feel in your own ability to handle it.
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